Fridge Handles

So my fridge has these old-timey metal handles that are screwed onto it because the space between the edge of the fridge and the wall is so small, that it's kind of a pain to use the regular method of grabbing the side of the fridge door to open it.  And these handles are all chipped and discolored and sticky from being in the kitchen (just like everything else, including the fridge itself).  I thought,"Hey!  I'll buy replacement handles, paint them, and the fridge will look 100x better."

So I unscrew one of the handles and take it to Home Depot.  A guy directs me to where a whole bunch of metal handles are, and I pick the kind that's shaped like the one I brought in with me.  I also ask the guy to help me find a white paint for the handles that is waterproof (since they'll be in the kitchen).  He points me to a can of primer and white rustoleum spray paint.

So I buy my products, and I'm all ready to spray on the primer.  I take the handles outside and set them on a trash bag, weighed down by some umbrellas (the only heavy thing I could find nearby).  I shake the primer, hold it over the handles and spray.

And the primer comes out as if someone had sneezed boogers all over the handles.  White boogers.  The stuff is REALLY thick and its dripping everywhere, especially down the insides of the handles, leaving big, obvious drip marks.  I didn't have a paintbrush or anything... so I just stood there, with shock and disgust.  Did I mention that I did this during my lunch break at work?  So everyone who walked by me got to see the shitty drippy white handles too.  "Fuck it", I said, and went inside.  I figured I'd let them dry and then try and sand off the drip marks.

An hour later, I go back out to collect the drippy handles.  And I see that the trash bag has come free of the umbrella weights and blown right on top of the handles.  I peel the trash bag off, revealing drippy white handles, with the pattern of the trash bag smushed into them.  Great.

I take them inside, but can't sand them quite yet because I didn't bring sandpaper to work with me.  The next day, when I DO have sandpaper, I hold a handle over the trashcan and sand, sand, sand.  White powder is getting EVERYWHERE and soon my office starts to smell like the primer itself.  Thank god my officemate isn't there (but the guy nextdoor sure was coughing a lot).

At the end of the day, I looked at the result.

Primer fail!

But this story gets even better.  After my first defeat, I decided to go back to Home Depot and try again.  I took back the primer/rustoleum and figured I could go to the craft store instead to get some all-purpose craft paint.  My plan was to paint the second set of handles blue to match my new kitchen clock.  It would be silly, but fun (and I could always replace them with the originals when I moved out).

So I go to Michael's and pick up this awesome blue paint that matches my clock spot-on.  I take home my new set of handles and the blue paint.  I proceed to paint the handles with a foam brush; first one coat, then another.  Which each coat, they start to look better and better.  Funky blue handles!  I was so excited.  Until I decided to hold a handle up to my fridge door to see what it would look like once it was dry.

The handles were too big.  Just slightly, but still too big.

Size match fail (original on the right)!

FML.  Not sure what to do now, other than to somehow sand and repaint the originals, since no matching size seems to exist in the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD.